In scaling companies, feedback travels fast. Unfortunately… so does gossip.

One of the biggest mistakes I see leaders make is acting like a human Slack channel — passing along feedback from one person to another without putting them in the same room.

It sounds like this:

“Hey, just wanted to let you know — some people have concerns about how you showed up in that meeting.”

But when leaders won’t share who said it, or won’t create a space for direct conversation, feedback stops being helpful.

It becomes fuel for defensiveness.

And nothing changes.

I’ve experienced this personally.

Once, I got a call from a leader saying “the team” felt like I wasn’t listening and was just doing whatever I wanted on a project.

Naturally, I was taken aback.

Because from my side, that wasn’t true at all. I cared deeply about collaboration.

As I dug into it, I think I figured out what happened.

Someone had done something in the system — and I, not knowing they had made that change, unknowingly undid their work.

They thought I had overridden them on purpose.

But here’s the thing… I’m still not actually sure if that was the real issue.

Because the leader giving me feedback wouldn’t tell me who it was. Wouldn’t facilitate a conversation between us. Wouldn’t provide context.

It was all vague and indirect.

And because of that?

→ I couldn’t clear it up.

→ I couldn’t apologize.

→ I couldn’t explain.

→ I couldn’t fix it.

And worst of all?

The relationship stayed weird.

Because no one had the full story.

That’s not feedback.

That’s a game of corporate telephone.

What’s the real job of a leader?

Not to protect people from hard conversations.

But to facilitate them.

Directly. Respectfully. Like adults.

How to Facilitate Feedback Conversations Between Team Members

Here’s exactly how I recommend handling it:

1. Ask the first person: “Have you told them directly?”

Most people haven’t.

They feel awkward. Uncertain. Maybe afraid.

But leadership is about coaching people through that discomfort, not protecting them from it.

If they say no?

Say this:

“Would you be open to us having a conversation together so they can understand your perspective?”

Most people will say yes.

2. Set the table for the conversation.

Your job isn’t to mediate every detail.

Your job is to create the container.

Schedule time.

Frame the purpose:

“We’re here to share feedback directly so we can clear the air, learn, and move forward.”

Set the expectation for respect and listening.

3. Coach both parties before the meeting.

Remind them:

→ Use “I” statements.

→ Share behavior and impact.

→ Assume positive intent.

Examples:

“When this happened, I felt ___ because ___.”

“What I need moving forward is ___.”

4. In the meeting — facilitate, don’t dominate.

Your job is to:

→ Set the tone

→ Keep it focused

→ Step in only if it gets off-track

Most of the time, when you give people the space to be human, they’ll surprise you.

Clarity shows up.

Misunderstandings dissolve.

Respect grows.

5. Close with agreements.

Ask:

“What do each of you need moving forward?”

“What will both of you do differently next time?”

Document if necessary — but often just having the conversation is enough.

Final Thought: Feedback Shouldn’t Feel Like Gossip

Anonymous whispers protect feelings in the short term.

But real growth? Real trust?

That happens in the open.

With clarity. With courage.

Scaling teams don’t need more middlemen.

They need leaders willing to create the space for direct, human conversations.

Want help designing feedback systems that actually help people grow (without breaking trust)?

That’s exactly what we help scaling companies do.